I haven't written for awhile. I thought maybe I should give up on this. I have been encouraged to continue. So let me update, Angel's mom is dying, she has cancer and they aren't giving her more than a year. Considering that not only am I close with him, but I am close with his mom and his son, this has been really hard. It's really hard to see him go through this too. I feel so helpless, I just keep telling him that I love him and I'm here for him whenever he needs me. I had to step away from Lewisberg, we are still friends but I need more than empty words that have no follow through. I actually had to change my phone number to get rid of Blaine, it was scary.
I have been dating and been working. Work is good, dating sucks as always.
So let's catch up...
I dated a man we will call him MP. We hit it off instantly. Spending so much time together, huge connection. He met the boys, the boys liked him. He introduced me to his friends from work. He would spend the night at my house and wrap his arms around me while my head was on his chest and hold me tight all night long. Kiss me on the forehead throughout the night. It felt so nice. Second week into it we woke up in the morning and it was about 10am and he had to leave to take care of some stuff. As he was leaving my son said 'hey you leaving already?' He said 'yeah, but I'll be back tonight, I'm cooking dinner for you and mom. So do the dishes, okay?' My son said, ' alright, see ya later!' My kids liked him. We talked around 2pm when he got done going for a run and he said he would call me in a bit. 7pm hits... I haven't heard from him. I text him, nothing. 7:30... I text him again. He texts me back and says 'I'll call you in a minute.' An hour later I haven't heard anything. I text him again, I said, 'Listen, my kids are hungry, if something is going on that's fine but you should really let me know. I'm feeding them now. Talk to you later.' I get a message from him, 'I'm at the studio babe, I'm sorry, I'll call you in a minute.' He never called. Never.
Now I didn't just have sex with this man one time. So I know it wasn't about that. And I was hurt, really hurt. A few weeks later I text him again and I calmly asked him what the fuck was that? and he told me it was all him, he got totally scared and freaked. I said goodbye.
I am having streaks also of past boyfriends and lovers walking back into my life. I know that everyone says that an ex is an ex for a reason. I believe that to a certain extent. When you break up because of hurtful things like cheating, lack of trust, things like that, yes, then an ex is an an ex and it should stay that way. But sometimes you date someone and it just isn't right for the both of you at that time... some you just stop dating. There isn't any hard feelings, so why can't you try it again. We also have to remember that sometimes time can heal and people can change and grow. It just depends on the person. Some people never change, you have to be able to see the difference.
